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Coming Out to the World
Coming out to your family and coming out to
the world are two entirely different things. If you have come out to your
family you know that often this is done in a private setting. You do not
want to make a big deal about it. It's a formality with family. However,
coming out to the world is a big deal. Once you come out you cannot go back
in! You cannot pretend to be something you are not, or not to be something
you are.
The Sneaky Coming Out
The sneaky coming out is when you come out without
telling anyone. There are many ways to do this. You may leave subtle hints,
or you may show the world you are gay. The 'hint game' is common for gay
men. We all know the gay stereotypes that exist. Whether we fit those
stereotypes, or not, if we want to leave clues to our gayness we will do
so by playing upon those stereotypes. Let's face it boys, there are some
things that a straight man will usually not say. If they do, they may be
considered gay.
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We know that
stereotypes are wrong and yet we play with them anyhow. If you're looking
for a line to use you may consider one of these:
The girls at work are discussing hot male co-workers
on their break. You chime in with:
"Tom's butt looks so tight in those pants
he is wearing today. It makes my mouth water just thinking about his firm
ass."
Now this is blatant! It is dependent on the
women whether they will be shocked or they will be amused. You may have sealed
your place in their group. However, I do not recommend such a blatant observation
in order to come out. Try a bit more tact when informing the girls of your
homosexuality.
Other lines you could try:
"I love Judy Garland. She's my favorite actress."
"I always cry at chick flicks."
"The Village People/Elton John/etc. are my favorite
band."
"Pink is my favorite color."
"Want to have makeovers at my place?"
Whether these are lines you would typically
say, or not - they do get the message across. Do not say them if you are
not comfortable doing so. If you like to joke around these lines may work
for you. However, they may not work for everyone.
Another way to come out without telling the
whole world verbally is to show the whole world. If you are making
out in public chances are you will be out pretty quickly. This is especially
true in a small town where word travels quickly. However, I know that I would
not want to see a straight couple making out and I'm more then willing to
afford them the same courtesy.
Some things you can do in a more respectful
manner include:
When asked to go out someplace ask if you can
bring your boyfriend
Wear Rainbow Jewelry
Hold hands with your boyfriend in public places
Introduce your boyfriend to others as your
"boyfriend or significant other"
Share a group message on your answering machine
"Hi, you've reached Bob & Tom…."
Showing your devotion to your loved one is a
beautiful thing. If you do not have a loved one you may have to be more inventive
when trying to come out through your actions. Perhaps your best bet is going
to be coming out through verbal or written communication.
Coming Out Through Words
The other option for coming out is through words.
You can use your words either verbally or through written text. I know gay
males who have successfully come out to friends and co-workers through letters.
They believe the letters (which were sent out or hand delivered) gave them
time to evaluate the situation. Their first reaction was given after
they had time to think and consider the homosexuality of their friend
or colleague.
Other's have made it clear from the beginning
of a job they are gay. If the business isn't gay friendly chances are you
are not going to work there unless there is something so significant about
the job staying in the closet is the only way to keep the job without you
suffering in the long run.
Talking about your homosexuality, especially
in the workplace, should be brief and to the point. If it is accepted it
will be clear quickly. If it isn't you may feel more comfortable not discussing
your private life. However, it should be noted that if a woman or man wants
to discuss their spouse and children you should be afforded the same courtesy.
You just need to realize not everyone believes this and they will assume
you are forcing your gayness upon them. So, be prepared for their reaction
- whether it is right, or not.
Coming out is a constant process. You meet new
people consistently throughout your life and it's natural to want to share
this part of yourself with someone if they are your friend, or if you know
your boyfriend/significant other is going to be brought up in front of them
at some point. Just keep in mind not everyone understands homosexuality.
Some may not want to understand it. They have their own opinions and nothing
you can say, or do, will sway them.
You have to look out for yourself and your loved
ones. Their opinions should not matter in the grand scheme of things. If
you choose to come out to the world it is your choice. Do not let them make
the decision for you. If it is right for you to come out to the world be
proud and true to yourself. However, do not assume you have to tell everyone
- especially if you are not ready for the world to know.
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