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Adoption vs. In Vitro
Having a baby is a big decision for any couple.
When it comes to starting a family, the lesbian couple has the advantage
as they can choose the right time to start a family...there are no 'surprise'
pregnancies to worry about in a lesbian-based relationship. You do not have
to worry about any life altering events occurring until you are ready
for them. So, with this in mind you will find that you have two main
options to choose from should you decide that the moment has come for you
to experience the wonders of motherhood.
Adoption
If you're looking for
an older child, or you have the funds necessary to adopt either in the United
States or overseas, you may wish to go this route. You need to know the adoption
laws for your state in terms of co-parenting, and second partner rights,
before you choose any option. Your state may be incredibly strict, like Florida
- which mainly allows gay couples to adopt children with AIDS, or other
illnesses. The healthy children are reserved for the heterosexual couples.
Of course, your state may be much more accommodating to the needs of two
parent gay/lesbian adoption, such as California - which offers more protections
than most other states do, and, not only for both parents, but also for the
child, too.
If you plan to adopt internationally you need
to know the laws of the country you plan to adopt from. Some countries do
not allow any lesbian or gay couples to adopt. Others only allow one mother
to be the designated parent. She is deemed single, though, so the second
parent may only petition the court if the child is a full US citizen and
your state allows for co-parenting.
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Adoption can be costly in terms of lawyer's fees, international fees, and
other fees that are accrued. The average adoption can run anywhere from
$7000-$25000 dollars. So, another alternative is being a Foster Parent first.
This way the pathway toward adoption is already established, and, based on
your foster parenting skills, the adoption may go somewhat smoother than
to try to adopt without any previous experience.
Adoption is a wonderful way to bring a child
that is already in need into your home to receive the love, acceptance, and
understanding that they may have been lacking elsewhere. However, the legal
tape - especially for a lesbian couple - may be too much, and, to some, the
hardships of attemting to adopt may be too trying to be a feasible plan for
parenthood. However, adoption is a healthy alternative to the growing
overpopulation problem that currently exists worldwide.
In
vitro
In vitro is short for in vitro fertilization.
Basically, the woman's eggs are removed (this can be either partner) and
are mixed with sperm in a Petri dish. Then the fertilized eggs are implanted
back into the woman that plans to carry the child and deliver the child.
A nice option for lesbian couples is that the partner that does not wish
to carry the child can donate the eggs, and the other partner can then become
the 'surrogate' mother. So, technically, the child is the product of
both mothers.
The cost for in vitro varies from state to state.
Depending on your insurance, partial or all of the procedure may be covered.
A ball park figure for the cost of the in vitro process is $9,000. The cost
may seem high but here is a list of things that are usually covered within
that $9000:
· Office visits
· Training for injections
· Estrogen
· Freezing of embryos for a certain amount
of time
· Cost for transferring hospitals, if
applicable
· Ultrasounds
· Visits to the physician
You may also have to pay anywhere from $1000-$4500
for medication that is necessary to the in vitro process. Most clinics recommend
comparing prices at pharmacies. You may want to find the lowest price available
now, while you can, rather than at the last minute.
In vitro can be expensive if insurance will
not cover the costs. However, if you want to truly share parenting in a
biological sense then this is definitely the way to go.
Of course, there is the consideration of sperm
donation. This can cost little, to nothing, if you find your own donor -
though often it is recommended you go through a sperm bank to ensure the
sperm is free of all STD's and genetically traceable diseases. This may cost
you anywhere from $1000-$7000, though each sperm bank differs in price.
You can have the sperm shipped so you can inseminate
your partner yourself, or you can have the clinic do this for a fee.
No matter what option you choose, parenting
is a major task. Joyfully, though, are the rewards you will gain when you
see your beautiful child blossom and grow from the love of its two beautiful
parents.
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